The Marta Chronicles

I have been feeling pretty down lately. And I didn't realize what had me feeling this way, until last night. I'm still in the mood, but its not as bad. I have been missing my mother terribly, crying for her. I thought this feeling, when she died five years ago yesterday would pass. It has not. The day she died, was the worse day of my life. It was a helpless feeling, a feeling of desperation. I promised God prostitution - treating him like a pimp - offering myself and my services to him to "not take my mother away" - I acted as if promising God I'd do anything for "him" would save her life - and if I had thought it would not, I would not have made the offer. God knows that we are going to do what he wants us to do anyway - and he knows, he knew. that I was being desperate and he probably felt pity for me.

posted by Darni @ 9/09/2000 11:11:00 AM

Do you sometimes wonder how bus drivers are trained? I didn't before today. It is raining, the streets are slick, oil ontop of water. It hasn't rained in ATL all summer. But this week God has answered the prayers of anyone who prayed for rain. My great-grandmother used to say: "He may not come when you want him, but he's always on time." When I was a little girl, I never understood what that meant. I thought that if God didn't come when you wanted him, then he was late - not on time. Now, I understand. That's what this rain is . . . God on time.

Anyway, some of the drivers act as if they don't realize that they are operating a machine that weighs tons and can destroy other vehicles - even those of equal size - not to mention passengers in other cars, on board or pedestrians. I'm baffled at the carelessness - of not just the drivers of these large vehicles but of other cars on the road.

The other day I was reminded of how fragile our bodies are. I was on the #36, headed home. And the bus stops. I couldn't see who was boarding but the bus began backing up. I thought to myself, that something must be in the middle of the road or something, I don't know. Then I heard the sound of the "elevator" being lowered - the bus shook then she was lifted up onto the bus - this remarkable woman with her beautiful child. I watched as the bus driver helped her strap the wheelchair in place. And the little girl bounced into a seat nearby - she was smiling. The child was smiling. I wondered what had happened to her mother - why she was in a wheelchair and how hard it must be to run errands and take care of a child. I know how easily I'm irritated with certain things in my life, little inconveniences and here this woman was living her life . . . I'm sure she has her own complaints . . . I wondered and then I thought who am I to complain about anything? Yet I do, its human nature I guess. But when I saw her and her child board the bus, I thought "what great strength and courage she must possess."

posted by Darni @ 9/08/2000 09:27:00 AM

Finally. I had to move from ohmygoddess to here in order to publish my "paper." But it is cool, I don't mind using geocities, really I don't. I now have more space on ohmygoddess to do other things, like create a portfolio of my graphic art (and graphic some of it is . . .)

posted by Darni @ 9/05/2000 11:34:00 AM

I'm not sure if my blog problem has been corrected. So this is really a test.

posted by Darni @ 9/04/2000 09:14:00 AM